i donno why i write about this...am i broken now? hmmm.. nope, i guess i am fine...so why? why? why? oh why? :p
i guess this is the only topic in my mind for now and nothing to do with my condition while i'm typing this...i'm just fine. i just wanna memorize the sad old days i had and i am finally i get over it. :) hehhehe sooooooo let's back to the topic......let's get it started...
it feels like hell when we found our heart is broken by someone. i dont know how many box of tissue we spend to wipe the falling warm water. i forgot but i think i spent some boxes..hehehe...yaaaaa....i locked my self in my room, i cried but seemed it didn't give any help, i felt like i am getting worse. i don't wanna eat, i don't wanna talk to anyone...i switched off my phone...i didn't go to work for 3days. . the worst was i wanted to kill my self. oh hell...ya i was in hell created by my own. i wanna scream, but i didn't do it. i was thinking that itt would just invite my neighbour to come and see me in this situation...so no scream...i was amazed how i lost my appetite without any appetite suppresant. Lol...3days without eating anything...i was just fine. just had some water, was enough for me. i wish i coud do the same thing now because i think i need to diet and lose some weighs but it seems like if i don't eat anything in 3 hours i couldn't walk. hehehhehe...i didn't brush my teeth, i didn't take shower...i didn't touch any water except to drink it. i was really in hell. i am getting worse and worse. i just spent my days by crying and then fell asleep and then awake to continue crying. whoahhhhhhh....hell hell hell hell....yeahhhhhh...in my own hell. :p
4th day...in then morning i looked at in the mirror. i was suprised, i saw the person in the mirror. it wasn't me i guess. it looked like an old sad lady stood there. but i realized i was the only one who stood there. i turned my face to the right, to the left on and on...OMG...this is me. how can i be this old in 3days? i don't wanna look old. goshhhh.....i need to get rid of this. then i started to open my window...wideeeeee open....let the sun shining into my room...i realized how messed was the room is. oh yeah...i need to clean this room. i turned the music on...erased all the sad songs...and played my fave beat songs. i let the music on while i was cleaning my room, sang the song out loud while danced. yeah...in a while i found my self back. room done. time for me to clean my body... there was a time while i was under the shower, i cried. memorized all the sweet time i had but just ruined that way by the 3rd person. i cried again....let the water showered me. i keep crying that time but i had something in my mind i setted, when i get out of this room, i won't cry no more. i promised my self. even sometime i stil find my self crying...but i won't let it happens for more than one minute. i accepted the past and move on the future..i forgive but i know i coudn't forget. i am just human but the point is i accepted, i forgive and move on. none of his pic in my phone, even his number, everything had been erased. i really thanks to my friends who support me when i was broke. some of them gave me advices, in serious and in funny way. no problem...all the wnated to do was to calmed me down. i love you, buddies.
today i am a happy person, none of those sad memories insult me no more. sometimes i still remember but not to make me cry but to teach me to stand on my feet and become stronger and stronger.
so for you who have your heart is broken now...try to accept the past, the reality, the reason it's happen is because he or she dont deserve you. don't try to blame your self, you'll just set your self into a big hole called as depress. no don't do that. just tell your self you deserve someone better than that and don't forget what beyonce said "thank God i found good in goodbye'. don't do anything stupid by cut your vein, or drink alcohol...the point is don't do anything that could harm you. that is def stupid. don't play any sad songs, play happy songs or any song to encourage you such as "a lilttle bit stronger by sarah evans or one day you will by lady antebellum"...i have bot of these songs in my phone. try to listen to these songs, you'll like it. i promise you and it'll help to become stronger.
some comedy or funny cartoon, animated movies on youtube can help you too. a friend sent me "big bunny'...and yes, it helps me to laugh again. that's the first laugh for those 3 sad days f mine. hehehe....by all these means, try to do something fun to help you forget your sadness. don't stay in it too long, ok.
but it's all comes back to you. friends may give you advices, any song may encourage you but then again if you can't deal with your situation then all of that won't give you any effect. you, your self should decide to move on. sometimes we think we can't, because we love that person too much or you can't deal deal with pain...but actually if you think positively, yes...you definetely can do it. just change your mind set. ooopsss....i almost forgot...when you pray to God, tell Him what you feel....maybe you can't hear HIM right when you are praying but i'm sure you would feel different in your heart,you'll feel better than before. it's something like you have already realeased the rope that tied you and don't forget to ask God to give you grace to forgive the one who hurt you. Gosh....i'm sounding like a pscylogist now. heheheeheh....
well...i hope my article would help you. this for now...will catch you soon again....thanks for reading...love you all....mmuahhhhh
